My longtime friend troll recently explained that if he faked his death in an Insurance scam, he had a couple in mind to take his kids.
No submission process, no applications or committee hearings…nothing! I protested loudly and lengthily and decided to make a serious appeal for recognition in the following video.

So GUYS, when you fake your death to get Insurance money, please consider donating to me the children you do not yet have. It’s only reasonable.

Special thanks to my sisters, niece and nephew for appearing in this video. If we get custody of the Anderson kids, I will let you babysit them and drive them to oboe recitals and math club. Because I’m not doing it.

Update: The emotionally persuasive nature of the epic video above has forced the future felons to reconsider their approval process. SUCCESS!